When I ask myself what my "gifts" are, I can come up with one thing that I am particularly "gifted" at:

Comparing my insides with other peoples' outsides.

I'm really good at this.  I mean, really good at it.  I'm ashamed to say that it's not just a gift, but an art that I've mastered.  I'm sure many people struggle with are gifted with this too.  I've found that if there is one sure-fire way to kill your joy, this is it.  Because when you compare yourself to someone else- especially someone that you don't truly know- you are going to become unsatisfied with yourself.

The reason I share this is because I recently indulged in my gift for comparison and found myself questioning myself and the path that I have decided to take in life.  I compared myself, with all my flaws (at least all of the flaws that I am aware of.  I'm sure that there are plenty more!), to someone that I have never even met.  Someone who appears to have everything together (they always seem to have everything together, don't they?).  Someone who seems to have a purpose in life and passion; two things that seem to ebb and flow in my life.

It's funny.  In the few hours that I was around this person, I developed my own idea of what this person was like.  I couldn't imagine that she would ever have unshaven legs or a stray hair in her eyebrow.

Both of which I have right now.

And on most days.  (It's almost a holiday when I get the chance to shave my legs or put on make-up.  Partly because of time and partly because if I'm really honest with myself, those things don't matter too much to me).

I quickly let my "imaginations" of this woman's life get out of control, and before I knew it, I was questioning my purpose in life and my decision to be a (mostly) stay-at-home mom:

What is my purpose in life?  More specifically, what is my purpose as a mother and wife?

What does it mean to be Cailey?  What makes me "me"?

How do I find meaning and purpose as a mother when it's not a "unique" job and many women are mothers and work outside of the home?

I think of one woman (who I actually do know well!) that encourages me because of the confidence she has in who she is.  She doesn't make excuses for who she is; she accepts herself.  Out of all the women that I know, she is the one who reminds me to relax and stop striving.  It's freeing to be around this woman.  This is the kind of woman I want to be.

I am going to think on these questions, but for now it's time to turn off the computer and go to sleep (especially since the last few nights have been less them restful around the Oates home).  More on that later.

I have to remind myself: little by little.

Self, "little by little."

Nope.  It's not working!

The "to do" list around the house just keeps growing.

As does the creeping charlie.

However, it appears that the rodent population is not.

A new "rule:"

Technically the glass is always full, even if it's half-full with air.

Relapse

I may have had a relapse. 

Or, better known to my husband as a "total freak out"

Without going into details that may make you think twice about visiting our house, we had a small rodent issue.  Two in fact.  One inside, one outside.  We ended up spending another "date night" ripping things out in the basement.  I handled that pretty well, but then there was an dental insurance issue in which we are paying for family coverage, but I wasn't added as a benefitee to our policy.  Even though on our enrollment papers it says we elected coverage for employee, spouse (that's me!) and child(ren) AND we have been paying for it for almost a year.  I had thought that my coverage would (finally) be active as of Monday, so I made an appointment and then cancelled when I found out that there is a waiting period, but then re-scheduled the appointment for later that day because I was sure I had 6 cavities.

So I payed out of pocket...and guess what?!?  No cavities.  Really?  I could have waited a few weeks.  But I suppose even though we are out one-hundred odd dollars, Austin doesn't have to deal with my worrying that all my teeth are disintegrating.

Yes.  I can be ridiculous.

So our basement is ripped up, there are ground squirrels burrowing all over our yard, we just replaced our garage door motor because mice ate the cables (<--If that doesn't give our troubles away, I don't know what will...) AND I paid out of pocket for a dental exam that could have waited weeks or months.

As I ripped up creeping charlie in the backyard I got back into the "things will be better when..." mindset.  But, this is just life. Things are going to break down. Wildlife is going to try to take over.  Babies are going to cry.  Life is messy, but it's beautiful.

If I can't be happy where I am today, I can't be happy today.

I apologize if that's a really stupid thought.  But it got me to thinking about a Dave Matthews song that I've listened to many times, but didn't really know the lyrics to until a few weeks ago.  I really don't know what the song "Cry Freedom" is about (maybe the apartheid?), but this phrase stuck out to Austin and I:

"The future is no place to place your better days"

It's easy to think that "things will be better when," but even if that's really true, if you have that mindset, isn't difficult to find any enjoyment in the present?  If you are so focused on the future and what good things it may bring, are you blinding yourself to the blessings in the present?

These are the questions I am pondering now.

Life is good.  The better days are here.  The Lord has blessed them all.  Even when mice chew up your garage door opener and you don't have dental insurance and the ground squirrels are winning the war of the yard.  

Little by little one travels far

I'm not real good at posting regularly, am I?  I really would like to, but I find that I think of really good things to blog about, but by the time I actually get to "blogging," the jokes have lost their humor.  I think I would have really entertaining posts if I could just wear a microphone and record myself talking to myself while cleaning the house or pulling up all the creeping charlie in our yard. 


Yes.  Our yard.  


The same one we've been trying to sell since November.  And just in case you are interested, we have taken it off the market.  We gave it our all.  We did open houses just about every weekend.  We listed with a realtor, we did the FSBO thing.  We dropped the price, added a warranty.  And here we are. 
Save "little by little"



It's hard because we really felt that putting the house on the market so that I could stay at home was what God wanted for our family.  We were filled with such excitement at the beginning of the home-selling journey, but as the months dragged on we became consumed by the process.  Selling our home was just about all we ever talked about.  I found myself becoming unhappy, discontented and worried about the future.


To make a long story short, we took our house off the market on June 1st, just as we had decided that we would do at the beginning of this journey.  I am going PRN at work tomorrow.  We are going to be diligent.  We are going to trust God and do things "little by little:"


Tackle our home improvements "little by little"
and eradicate our yard of creeping charlie "little by little"


I think "little by little" will make it on "my rules to live by:"

My (REVISED) rules to live by:

Be Cailey.  God created me unique and I want to embrace my God-given uniqueness and live life fully alive. 

Let it go. Things aren’t always going to be perfect.  I can either decide to be happy in my circumstances today or I can decide that I can’t find happiness today.  Either way, it’s my choice.

Enjoy the adventure.  God has a plan for me and my family and, as much as I wish that I can, I can’t see his plan for my life.  Sometimes things don’t seem to make sense to me, but I have to choose to trust that the Lord is in control and that his plan is perfect for me.

Be all there.  It’s easy to find myself pulled in so many directions that I have a hard time focusing on the present.  The present is a present and I need to embrace it.  I need to give my full attention to the day and the situation I am currently in.

Give it your all.  It’s easy to “get things done,” but it takes effort to “get things done right” and give it your all.  And there is a noticeable difference.  Work hard as working for the Lord!

And then give yourself a break.  No one is perfect.  Be the best you can be, give it your all, but don’t drive yourself crazy striving for some unattainable ideal.  

Because you can accomplish the task when you do it "little by little." Don't try and do everything all at once-you will burn yourself out and miss the chance to enjoy where God has you.  

Listen more, talk less.  Instead of thinking about what I should say in response to someone, I should focus more attention on really understanding what others are saying.  Many times I have been too quick to speak and miss what others are really saying.  Seek not just to listen, but to understand.

Lighten up.  Laugh more.  Make a mess and don’t worry about having to clean it up.  Sometimes you just need to take fun seriously. 

What do you want from life?

Last summer I read a book called, "The Happiness Project."  Although I don't agree with everything that Gretchen Rubin writes, I found that her book makes me reflect on my own happiness.

I think one of the reasons that I am re-reading this book is because although I am very satisfied with my life, sometimes I find myself restless.  This is due-in large part-to the unsettled feeling that Austin and I share as we continue to try to get our house sold.  We were listed with a realtor for 5 months and although we had lots of traffic through, we didn't get any offers.  Those five months were like a roller coaster.  We had lots of last minute showings which required me to clean the house all day and then vacate the house and sit in the car for an hour with two smelly dogs and a crying infant.  We had plenty of "no shows," late shows and a week where one family came to our house for 6 showings..but still no offer!  Urgh!  So now we are listed FSBO, which is considerably less stressful since we kind of "run the show."  With a realtor it's basically like you are living in someone elses' house and you have to clean when they say "clean," and leave when they say "leave."  It stinks

Anyways...in reflecting on happiness and my own life, I have come up with "rules to live by" (Gretchen Rubin calls them "personal commandments") and thought that I'd share them with you.  I developed my rules to live by from my answer to this question:

What do I want from life?  I want to live with passion and purpose.  I want to feel alive.  I want to be confident that I am living out God’s purpose for my life.

My rules to live by:

Be Cailey.  God created me unique and I want to embrace my God-given uniqueness and live life fully alive. 

Let it go. Things aren’t always going to be perfect.  I can either decide to be happy in my circumstances today or I can decide that I can’t find happiness today.  Either way, it’s my choice.

Enjoy the adventure.  God has a plan for me and my family and, as much as I wish that I can, I can’t see his plan for my life.  Sometimes things don’t seem to make sense to me, but I have to choose to trust that the Lord is in control and that his plan is perfect for me.

Be all there.  It’s easy to find myself pulled in so many directions that I have a hard time focusing on the present.  The present is a present and I need to embrace it.  I need to give my full attention to the day and the situation I am currently in.

Give it your all.  It’s easy to “get things done,” but it takes effort to “get things done right” and give it your all.  And there is a noticeable difference.  Work hard as working for the Lord!

And then give yourself a break.  No one is perfect.  Be the best you can be, give it your all, but don’t drive yourself crazy striving for some unattainable ideal.  

Listen more, talk less.  Instead of thinking about what I should say in response to someone, I should focus more attention on really understanding what others are saying.  Many times I have been too quick to speak and miss what others are really saying.  Seek not just to listen, but to understand.

Lighten up.  Laugh more.  Make a mess and don’t worry about having to clean it up.  Sometimes you just need to take fun seriously. 

Hope you enjoyed my rules!  Now for an update on Nate:

First time Nate got to sit in his big boy highchair!  He loved it!

We went to the park for a play date.

Going bananas for smashed bananas!

Must be all those protein shakes...

Well, that's it for now.  Hopefully I will get better about posting!

What I didn't wear Wednesday:

sweats!

Let me say it again: I did not wear sweats for the whole week!  In fact, I actually dressed up (which for me means more than just jeans and a sweatshirt) three days this week.

I don't have the proof.  You are just going to have to believe me.

It was actually kind of fun getting ready for the day.  (Although I did feel a little guilty blow-drying my hair yesterday.  It takes me so long and I rarely have time for it, so I think it's time for a hair cut.  Now to decide how to get it cut...  Any suggestions?)  Although I wore "regular people clothes" three days this week, I had a hard time coming up with three outfits that I actually wanted to wear, so I found myself wearing the same skinny jeans and brown boots two out of those three days.

I need some style.

So, I got to thinking: what if I found an outfit or two (most likely on Pinterest) that I really liked and tried to copy the look with items that I already own and perhaps a few pieces that total under $20.  Sounds like a challenge.  So, here it goes.  (And I promise I will post pictures of the end result)

Love the simplicity.  Cute and comfy, but stylish as well

I've been wanting to try black and brown together, but I am scared.  I have always been "matchy-matchy."  Also, I think that I will probably skip the feather earrings...I'm just not in to that.

Purses and the Sabbath

As I promised, a post about Sabbath reflections.

Last week at work we had some down-time (a very rare occurrence!) and I got to talking about religion with one of my coworkers who is Jewish.  She was talking about going to temple and having to tuck her tube of lipstick in the waistband of her skirt since you aren't suppose to take your purse into temple.

Not take your purse to church?  What are you suppose to do with your cell-phone, checkbook, credit cards and cash?  Or your lipstick, lotion, hairbrush...or whatever else you happen to NEED with you at all times?  I asked her why purses were not allowed in the temple and she said that you aren't suppose to deal with money or finances on the Sabbath.  She said that the church members still tithe, but they don't bring their money to the temple on the Sabbath, instead they send their tithes in the mail or drop them off on another day.

Hmmm....

I got to thinking about this.  I am not Jewish, but I am intrigued by the idea of not bringing my purse to church on Sunday.

Why?

What does a purse represent?  It represents what it holds: wordly belongings.  My valuables.

Coach is just a name.

Wallet: full of credit cards, debit cards, banking information, and cash (<--not as much as I'd like though!).

Checkbook: though I hardly use it anymore because debit cards are so handy!

Black filing folio: with coupons for stores that I go to often


Planner: which has EVERYTHING in it-- my many "to do" lists (In fact, I have a whole moleskin book dedicated to my many "to do" lists...crazy I know) and my work schedule.  Without it I would be lost.

Photo album with pictures of my precious little boy...all of which you've probably already seen since I post so many pictures of him!

Personal care items: perfume, hairbrush, mirror and some other "female things" that don't deserve to be photographed.  :)

The contents of my purse.  Where's the Bible in all that stuff?  Just sayin'.

What do all these things represent: my wealth, my time, my vanity... Not to mention my purse itself, which is a designer purse (although I did buy it at the outlet store for 70% off, it still represents wealth and vanity.  That's not to say that I think that owning a coach purse -- or any other designer purse for that matter -- is a bad thing, but I know that my desire to buy this purse came out of a desire to "have" a "status symbol". Our society places value on certain things, and at the time I felt that because people value expensive purses that if I had one I would be viewed as more successful, put-together, and more deserving of respect from those around me.  I mean, I could afford a coach purse.

...at 70% off.  ;)

(And I worked extra incentive hours at work to pay for it).  I do like the purse now (perhaps mostly for the comments I get on it...), but I wouldn't have normally made a purchase like this.

So, I think that this Sunday I will attend church SANS coach purse.  Or any other purse for that matter.  The purse carries the worldly things I have decided are valuable to me and I want to make sure that I keep those things in their proper place.  Money has a purpose and is necessary, however we need to be diligent in being good stewards of God's blessings and not worshiping money.  Planners are important to keep us on schedule, but we need to make sure that we are allowing room for God's plans for our day.  Lip gloss and bobby pins and mirrors and brushes are good to have around, but it's important not to let our looks become more important than the inner beauty God wants us to cultivate.  So this Sunday, instead of bringing my purse and all it's contents, I will bring the diaper bag.  The ever-stylish tote filled to the brim with diapers (both clean and dirty), wipes and butt cream.


Sounds chic!

The diaper bag isn't that bad, is it?

Disclaimer: I am in no way suggesting that a girl can't have nice things (I think that a girl should have a few nice, classic pieces in their wardrobe, but it's important to make sure that those things aren't bought as idols or as status symbols.  If you've worked hard and decided to treat yourself with a new purse.  Go for it!  Just make sure it's because you like it, not because our society values it)